I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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