I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
