mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
