i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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