You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
