my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
