Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
