I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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