I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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