I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
