Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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