you traded sex for a burrito?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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