i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
