Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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