My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
