Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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