This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
