Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
