Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
