I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
