we have officially lost it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
