Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
