Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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