Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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