Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
