My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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