so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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