apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
we're so committed to being not committed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
