at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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