So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
