neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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