Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
