obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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