my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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