bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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