Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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