I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
