I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
