I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
