Don't make out with my wife yet
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
