he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
