So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
