dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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