After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
