Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
