you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize