She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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