got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she peed on how many people?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
