You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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