i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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