as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
