if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
