Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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