No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
