So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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