I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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