Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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