I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
