my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
