Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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