Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
