drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
