i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
