im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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