Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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