I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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