Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
