I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
