Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
