so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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