the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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