PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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