So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
