I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
