Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
