god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
