this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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