he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
