I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
