At least make sure they are 18
Why
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
