she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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