Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
