Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
me + whiskey = a bad person
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
