haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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