Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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