I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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