I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
